9:10 p.m. - 2012-01-22
adoption
It has been a long road. It has been long but it's only the beginnning.
We know there is a baby waiting to join our family. Over the last year we have been given clues and pieces to the puzzle. It reminds me of the talk Elder Bednar gave about personal revelation being like the sun rising, a gradual increase of light. We didn't get an immediate answer but slowly we have been connecting the dots as they have been given to us.
Last December I fasted to become pregnant and got the distinct answer that it would be a while but it would happen, 3 months later I was diagnosed with PCOS and started treatment in May. I recieved a blessing from Wade that I would have the strength required. During that blessing Wade recieved confirmation that one more child would join our family, a girl, and she was waiting along with us.
Treatment failed and after three months we were reffered to a specialist. The specialist did tests and more tests and told us with treatment we had an 8 % chance of pregnancy without treatment 1% chance. We also started looking into Fostering. We were set to for treatment in November. The time came and it didn't feel right, what's one more month? December came and went same story.
Also in December as I was sitting in Primary I knew I would have a daughter and I would name her Avery.
On Christmas day, I watched the baby cousins and suddenly had a desire for a newborn baby that I hadn't felt while we were considering Fostering.
On our long drive home to Texas I shared this with Wade and he remembered that when he was hired 2 years ago they mentioned Adoption assistance. Something he had never remembered during all our discussions over the last year. That started a whole new direction for us but also raised questions about fostering, treatments and which path we should pursue. We could not do all 3, we had to choose and while it was easy for Wade to put all his faith in adoption, I struggled with the decision. I knew adoption could take years while the other options seemed easier and more immediate. January came and a decision needed to be made so we could move forward. Again we fasted and Wade was ready but I didn't feel anything. The days past and I was in agony. Why couldn't I get an answer. I sat down and started writing our profile for adoption and I knew. I knew adoption was the answer. I knew Heavenly Father had been leading us to this decision and each step of the way was preparing us. We went to the fertility specialist not to become pregnant but so we could qaulify for LDS family services. I have had my doubts since recieving my answer but I cannot deny how strongly I felt the spirit confirming that this is the road. This is how we will complete our family. That we will be blessed with two children and we need to be happy now with Wyatt and once we get our second miracle to be happy and know we are complete.
It is going to be a tough wait, and I don't want to forgot how we got here. I never want to get so discouraged that I forget the feeling I had when all the pieces came together. And someday I will testify to Avery that her Heavenly Father loves her and planned her life and family long before she came to this earth.
