11:44 a.m. - 2008-11-15
a very long night.
It is strange how a baby crying at 2 in the morning can make you question everything about who you are and why you made the decision to let him "cry it out."
Wyatt peed all over his co-sleeper and I took it apart to disinfect, but didn't finish the job before bedtime. We have been *talking* about moving him for a weeks now, but I was only talking, I truly planned on him staying in our room until the next baby kicked him out of the co-sleeper or he left for college whichever came first. Wade slyly suggested puting him to bed in his crib and I caved and did what was best for my babe. Which also included letting him cry it out.
We went down fine at 7 and slept until 11. I caved and went in to feed him--mostly for me. Again he went back to sleep quickly. But at 1 am he woke up screaming and he didn't calm down long past his normal 10 minutes. Wade asked if he could go in... that was the hardest decision I had to make... but in the end we waited it out. It was probably 20 minutes until he was sound asleep again but that gave me plenty of time to question every decision I had ever made. My mind was racing... what if he pooped all over himself? he will never calm down and what kind of mom lets her babe lay in his own poopy? Naturally, neglect ran through my mind each time he would catch his breath so he could use all his effort to scream out for help. But in the end he gave in before I did and fell asleep on his own and this morning we both woke up happy with smiles and laughs.
