7:14 a.m. - 2008-11-21
A trip to Sanpete and memory lane.
One of my long lost friends recently moved back to Mt. Pleasant and Yesterday I got to go visit with her. I always have a wave of nostalga once I cross the County line. I can't decide how I feel about my time spent in Sanpete County... I have a lot of fun memories with my girl friends, on the cheer squad and being a crazy highschool student but there was a boy that was so prominent in my younger years that I can't recall any memory without him slithering in somehow.
I met him when I was 14 and and instantly fell for him. It took me until I was 20 to pick up myself up and move on. All the while trying desperately to keep him focused on me and having glimmers of mutual affection that kept me hangin' around. Looking back now, he was done with me long before I would admit it. We had one good year my Junior, his Senior year, during which I felt like I was his #1 amoung all his clammering admirers. Though he never committed to me--we where never declared Boyfriend and Girlfriend(oh wait, yes we where but that lasted about 8 hours), I didn't feel it necessary.
It makes me ill to think of the date we went on the Christmas after he came home from his mission. I begged him to only date me. He wiggled around the issue as I dove head on. Clinging to how he used to make me feel-- he had clearly discovered we were not meant for each other but was too gracious to come out and say it.
Don't get me wrong. He is a good person, why else would I try so hard to win him over? But looking back, I am embarassed that I was so willing to change everything about myself just to win his affection and approval. Why did I let him control how I felt about myself? I am the only one to blame for my tainted childhood memories. I am the one that valued myself so little. He did teach me a lesson though and once I was able to say goodbye I never let a boy use me again.
There isn't much reason for me to go to my hometown anymore. I still like to for the most part. It find it enjoyable to point out all the changes and ramble off silly memories to Wade about growing up there. I had a lot of good times there but I am glad I was able to leave Sanpete behind and start a new life and a new family free of the reminders of who I used to be.
