12:05 p.m. - 2009-08-27
all mixed up
My emotions are all mixed up. I have been dreaming of the day that I could say good bye to this job of mine. Trust me I am happy to leave--happier than I should be about it. Happier than I ever thought I would have to be.
I have liked my job. I have been there for 4.5 years and the company has been good to me. In return I did everything I could to be good to them. It was a good arrangement until it wasn't anymore. Something changed, while I was busy worrying about making shiny happy employees-- I lost all respect from them. So here I sit finally free, still thinking about the fate of my little department that consumed so many of my thoughts these last few years.
I can't move past all the *hits* I took for them to make them happy. Just like I am sure they are dwelling on all the times I *wronged* them.
Even though it shouldn't concern me-- I should be out living it up traveling the world now that I will actually have a free moment for myself--it does. I still worry about what will happen to my prior department. What fate the big men on campus will determine for it. I no longer get to fight for it-- I hope someone steps up in my place. And I wish them luck whoever it is; They will certainly need it.
Contrary to popular belief, I have given my all to making my department better. Better for all parties, the mother company and the worker bees. In the process I was stung a few too many times.
So I throw in my hat and laugh at myself for keeping at this job for 4.5 years when in the end I can't guarantee to finish out my last 2 weeks.
I never expected this to be my outcome here. It comforts me to have HR fighting for me--promising me a place if I wish to return in the future. At least I have built respect among my *other* colleagues.
Time heals most wounds. I guess I will just wait this one out. Somehow I don't think 2 weeks will be long enough.
